5 Signs Of Unhealthy Friendships
As a product of public school systems near a large metropolitan city, I’ve taken so many health and self-defense classes that I could probably step up to teach one myself. Drilled into my brain are ways to be healthy and warning signs of physically and/or emotionally abusive relationships. However, I realize that the one lesson not provided may be some of the most valuable knowledge for any person.
I’ve never been taught about unhealthy friendships.
We all know sharing is caring and that our friends are the family we choose. But what if that family you chose can be a little overbearing at times? What if you’re not included or invited to “family dinners,” so to speak?
The idea of breaking up with certain friends might be unimaginable, but in the long run, you’ll be happier for it. Here are a few signs that might mean you’re in an unhealthy friendship.
1) Your friends deteriorate your self esteem
Girlfriends are there to build you up. If you feel not so hot after hanging around with your girls, that’s not how friendship should feel. We all know we need friends to be honest when we’re trying on the 6th sweater in a row at Urban, but there’s a way to let you know it’s not flattering without being mean.
2) Your friends aren’t moving forward in their lives
Your environment has a way of affecting your mindset. If your friends aren’t ambitious or don’t have a real drive for success down the road, this can be a very negative influence on you. A little friendly competition never hurt anyone! Having friends that encourage you to strive for big goals is crucial for any twenty-something now a days!
3) You feel you have to adapt your personality or sense of humor to fit in
Think of friends like you would the garnish on you favorite meal. Without them, the foods still pretty good. But add the garnish and somehow it’s even more enticing and delicious. That’s kinda how really good friends work. Alone, you’re a pretty kick ass woman, but your best friends enhance everything wonderful about you! If you’re feeling like a friendship does the opposite and pressures you into changing or adjusting from your true self, think about expanding your group.
4) If you disagree with your friend, you’re nervous to share your opinion
The reason Blair and Serena are so tight is that they’re always completely honest. The greatest friendships come from mutual respect, right? So discussing more grown up topics means you won’t always agree. A friendship where you can openly talk about things without fear of how others will react is extremely rewarding. If things feel too hostile, try talking it out first, but if it persists, don’t let that shut down your open mind!
5) You notice your friend gossips or tries to influence other people’s opinions on others
Regina George wannabes should be left in high school. If you think you have a friend who is still attempting to be a leader in a negative way, take it as a sign to distance yourself a little bit. Expand your friend group to people who follow the “You do you” mantra. You’ll be happier calling your own shots anyway!
Before making any rash decisions, try talking things out with friends who you think may not be the best for you, or try seeing things from their eyes. Without completely dropping a friend, you can always set boundaries or spread your free time out so you make more connections with different people.
Finding your people is such an amazing feeling. Even in college when you can sometimes feel alone in a sea of PSL’s and midterm study guides, know that finding the Christina to your Meredith might happen 3 days from now. The feeling of being in a group without actually being in that group takes a toll. But don’t give it the power to discourage you.
If you feel like the people you’re surrounded by aren’t making you feel strong or confident, your life is yours to take control of. Do what’s best for you, even if that means unfamiliar change. In the long run, you’ll be happier you surrounded yourself with people who make you shine rather than people who no longer help you grow.
This post was originally published to the Lala.